My
return to Sydney, meant it's time to face what I had been running away from.
Adulthood.
With the memory of high school still quite fresh in my mind, it’s as though I
was only just being asked, 'where do you see yourself in five years'.
I feel I'll need a paper bag if I dwell any longer on the thought that the 5
year mark has already come and gone, and that ten year point seems not too far
off in the horizon. Whilst I'm definitely a different person than when I walked
out of the hallowed halls of highschool, adulthood hasn't grown on me as much
as I had thought it would have by now.
It seems becoming an adult doesn't come as naturally as one once thought.
Taking on responsibility, taking on the career ladder or knowing what to do
with oneself doesn't come inherently with age. The freedom of being an adult
that my young eyes once yearned for isn't as liberating or glamorous as it
seems, and in your early twenties it can actually be quite terrifying.
Instead of being halfway to the ambitious and roaring life I imagined myself to
be in by now, I find myself clambering for those half-hearted happy go lucky
university student days. A time when it felt I had all the time in the world
and naive enough to truly believe 3 years later at 24 I'd have things all
figured out. Instead the path ahead seems more out of focus and murkier than
ever. Not knowing exactly where I want to go or how to get there.
I don't mind growing old, I just don't think I want to grow up.
Whilst
I'm happy to never grow up and lead a life like Peter Pan, purely lead by the chase
for adventure. There's a nagging voice in my head urging me to step up to the
plate, to be realistic and practical, and with it the pressure to be a
successful adult.
Timing
seemed to be right when Kingsley, a favorite Youtuber of mine, talked about growing
up in one of his latest videos. When asked - Do you ever have one of those 'WTF am I doing with my life'
moments? Kingsley replied with:
"I have at least five of those moments a day.
I'm so sick of trying to figure everything out, if I look at myself five years
ago I never would of seen the self I am today. Life is so unpredictable and
it's ultimately a bunch of random choices, that lead you to where you are.
I have fun, I have friends, I have family, I can eat... I'm Good."
And I
can’t agree with him more.
I
have a lack of confidence in my choices, when it comes to food let alone when
it comes to life. I can’t be sure if what I do will have the desired effect and
I’ll always question if I could have done it better.
This
all came along after celebrating an 18th birthday. I realized how
much time had passed since I was that age, and comparing the thoughts I had of
life then with the realities of life once I was faced with them. I didn't think
it would take me an extra year to finish uni, that I'd travel for a year
afterwards and I'd still be out of my depth and only in my first junior role at
23. As much as we plan or dream its ok if you don’t attain it within a mere 5
years out of highschool. It isn't as long as first presumed, but actually quite
a short timeframe in the grand scheme of becoming a person. Becoming your adult
self.
In
the end I guess success can’t be measured one way, if I end up with a career
resulting in me being head hunted by the fortune 500’s top corporations, or if
I end up spending my days venturing the world in a hoodie. If I find the love
of my life, if I have exactly 3 children (1 boy and 2 girls). No matter the
choices we make where ever we end up, we need to lead ourselves to whatever
makes us happy, we have to make our own Neverland’s. However we get there
whenever we get there. It might not always be easy but even Peter Pan needs
fairy dust.
Just
keep one foot in front of the other, have faith in the leaps, the risks, the
struggles, lifes bound to throw you something left of field and you just have
to keep aiming for Neverland.
